Holy Shit(Baby Revisited)!

Baby by Justin Bieber was A BIG FAT LIE. Here’s what it should have been like:-

You know you don’t love me,

I know you can’t,

You shout whenever,

I’m there,

You want a male,

But I am female,

The fact that I am not male,

Broke my heart,

Tore it apart,

I ask you for your phone,

In my girlish tone,

You hear my voice,

You laugh like you are insane,

Then you say,

“You don’t get a gf because of fame!”

I insist,

Then you punch my face with your fist,

My first love broke my jaw for the first time,

And that was like,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, Ahhhh,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, NOOOO,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, AHHHHH,

I just hope it’ll be fine.

To become a male I would have done whatever,

For now I can’t believe my jaw and skull are together,

But in your eyes I am a fool,

I have lost you,

I’ll buy you anything, anything,

But then in the mirror I saw,

On my face the impression of your ring.

The next day,

I am on my knee,

I propose you in public,

You say I created a scene,

You hit your sandal again and again,

I feel like I’m living a bad dream,

Then you throw me down the building,

And I am going down, down, down,

My first love broke my ribs and leg for the first time,

And that was like,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, Ahhhh,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, NOOOO,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, AHHHHH,

I just hope it’ll be fine.

When I was 13, I had my first love,

There was nothing that compared to the power of my baby,

And when she was beating me nobody came between us, who could ever come above,

She had me going broken; oh I was star struck,

She beat me up daily,

And due to swelling my face sucks,

On my face she gave me a pound,

I shake with fear when I see her in the street,

And at school on the playground,

It’s worse when she brings her brothers on the weekend,

She know she got me dazin' 'cause her punch was so amazin,

And now my leg is breakin' but I just keep on saying,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, Ahhhh,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, NOOOO,

HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT,

HOLY SHIT, AHHHHH,

I just hope it’ll be fine.

My all bones are gone,

(Yeah, yeah, yeah),

(Yeah, yeah, yeah),

Now all are gone,

(Yeah, yeah, yeah),

(Yeah, yeah, yeah),

Now every single bone’s gone,

(Yeah, yeah, yeah),

(Yeah, yeah, yeah),

They are all gone, gone, gone, gone,

They are gone.

How has CCE helped us?

Well If this is Kapil Sibal reading this then I beg you please reform else a frustrated student will hurdle a shoe at you and put you in the ELITE group of people life George Bush and P. Chidambaram.

(Well, well consider this, 10 class students are makin' charts, well this is cce aka ‘continuous creation of ediots’.)

You are promoted to class 10, no pressure of boards. Cool! But as the classes start you start lovin' the idea of boards. Now the weekend is not like weekends. Free days are extinct and the very word 'play' is endangered. Why? Because of an asshole named err... I can’t say his name for he's manuse err... He is Kapil Sibal (next time he will be mentioned by the term 'you know who'). So you start the year with the feeling' of joy for there will be no boards.

First month-

You get some chart to make.

Your views-‘Can be tolerated.’

 Second month-

You get some more charts. The SST notes are far too long. Long syllabus of Fa1.

Your views-‘Disappointing month’

Third month-

 You ask others for holiday hhw. You see the pages, not of finished hhw but of what all has to be done. Far beyond expectation. Models, charts and more charts and more charts.

Your views-‘What the hell?’

Fourth month-

You struggle to finish A hhw.  And before you can recover from this disastrous holiday you get to know that your fa2 are approaching, and if this is not enough then you get to know that your hhw are a fa tool (fa tool are another awesome feature of cce due to which your 50% of your marks are given on the basis of how well you lick your teacher’s shoes? How well and how often you use sparkle in your models? How well you speak to your teacher? (for e.g.-if a child says, “what the hell? Ma’am you are the worst teacher I have ever meet” to his teacher then he gets an ‘E’ in his behavior column. And if a child says “excuse me ma’am! No offence but you are the worst teacher I have ever encountered. But these are my views; others may like your lovely voice…” and bla, bla, bla. Then this child gets an ‘A’ in politeness, though both children meant the same thing “ma’am you suck”! But still a little butter as seasoning is necessary. Isn’t it?!)). From one side you face the pressure of completing your hhw and from the other you have to pass in the exam. So you are screwed! And then you get bad marks in the paper and bad marks in the tools so your total is extra bad.

Your views-‘Shit.’

Fifth month-

You have just submitted your last hhw. Oh sorry, sorry, sorry, you have just placed the ORDER for your last hhw! Your family has just forgotten about the passing marks you scored in the last fa. And at the school you get to know that your half yearly or as they call it your sa2 are approaching. You get the syllabus. What’s frightening is SST. Chapters, maps, more chapters, more maps, more chapters, and more maps.

Your views-‘God, save me.’

Sixth month-

You have SST paper tomorrow. You have least possible preparation. Next day passes you are sure that you are fail. Like this only you spend the whole month and at the last paper also, like in all paper, you don’t know anything but still you don’t care because now this feeling of helplessness in the paper is ‘normal’

Your views-‘Board were better.’

Seventh month-

The results are out. You are barely pass. You face your family’s agony. And then, then you come to know that this was just one semester and for another 6 months you will have to bear this.

Your views-‘CCE SUCKS! YOU-KNOW-WHO SUCKS’

So my dear friend the question remains, ‘HOW HAS CCE HELPED US?’

Introduction

Well, well question of the day. Who am i? Well to be frank I’m a nobody. Just another 15 year old who writes articles to ‘change’ the world but can’t even lift his fat ass up from the chair to go and throw a paper in the bin and loiters around himself. I am that nobody who thinks all day about a plot and when he gets time, he dreads to write and the laziness overpowers the creativeness. I am that nobody who mourns about the bloody system the whole day, wastes time in writing the articles that nobody gives a f**k about and when gets low graded due to time wastage, he increases the number of articles. But enough is enough. We, the nobody swear that we won’t let anyone demoralize us. No matter how bullshit our articles may be but we still would beat anyone to pulp anyone who criticizes them. So let me introduce myself. I’m Divyanshu Kalra, a student of M.J.K school (don’t bother about the full form. It is funny enough to make you laugh your head out.) and I pledge to change the wor… gotta go a hot girl has moved in the neighborhood, and she just rang the bell. Jackpot, baby, jackpot!!